Life isn’t fair. We’ve heard it since birth and will hear it until we die. It’s a great universal truth, but it doesn’t come with an explanation. Why?
Human beings are driven to discover why. We study and experiment, research and test until we can explain why. It’s part of our nature. I believe asking why and searching for the answer is one way in which we satisfy our need to be in control. If we know why something happens we can prepare, plan and predict. Understanding the why allows us to normalize, rationalize and organize our world. It removes a great deal of the fear of the unknown.
Have you ever asked why?
Have you ever been up to your neck in a struggle on behalf of your child and wondered why your child has to face this challenge? Have you ever wondered why your kid is the only one who can’t read, laugh, talk, play, trust, love? Why does your child have to be the one just different enough not to fit in? Why? Why was he born with this exceptional challenge when you exercised and ate only organic while pregnant and the neighbor who mainlined processed sugar, beef jerky and energy drinks had a perfectly healthy child? Why was your child targeted by an abuser? Why did your child have to start life in trauma? Why? Why? WHY?
I have asked.
I have raged against God and the Universe. I have spent hours on my knees shaking the very gates of Heaven demanding, pleading, begging, and bargaining on behalf of my children. I have asked why, but life doesn’t always have an immediate answer. Sometimes things just happen. For no reason at all. Something random, senseless and unfair happens and it changes our reality forever without ever explaining itself.
Ultimately, we have to move beyond asking why and deal with our realities. The way in which we choose to react to the trials, challenges and tribulations we face assigns the value to those experiences. It is in our reactions that we truly have control. Are you going to open your heart to the lessons loving a traumatized child or wayward teen can teach you? Are you facing opportunities for growth or fires of destruction? Do the challenges you face make you better, or bitter? The attitudes we take and the choices we make create the answer to the question, “Why?”
You create your own answer.
Make it a good one.